Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
