how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
