I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
