I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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