Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
