I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
