If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
