Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
