I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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