Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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