I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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