I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
