Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
