It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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