dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
