No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
