She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
