I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he fucked my hip out of place.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
