Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
