My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
