its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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