The best revenge is premature balding
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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