We're facebook friends in real life
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
