census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
