Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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