I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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