This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
