I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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