I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
