There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just forgot I was standing up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
