I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
