I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
