Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
