Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
