This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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