Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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