I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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