Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
