i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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