Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
