come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
