apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
