I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
