he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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