I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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