Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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