i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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