these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
