shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
