My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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